Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
