just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
