hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
