Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
