yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
