I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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