Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
