he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
