There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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