I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
BRING THE BAGELS
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
