Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
