he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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