Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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