I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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