just come out here and I will go home with you...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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