you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
