i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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