dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
