Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
