Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
