Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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