You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize