There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
