what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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