so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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