My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
