My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
