Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
