i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you're hired as official boob wrangler
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
