I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
