i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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