We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
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i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
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I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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