speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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