maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
