he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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