He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
