he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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