Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I will be naked everywhere
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
