Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
