dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
