Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
