are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
