I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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