i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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