3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
