his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
