but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
