So drunk its hurt
I just saw a hot homeless man
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
