fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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