A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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