I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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