we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
