I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
