Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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