I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
