it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
