Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
