She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
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Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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